Overcoming YOU! 8 Powerful Ways of Conquering FEAR

imagesN0IBMQDZFear is one of the few natural emotions. We are born with two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned responses brought to the child by its environment and taught to the child by its parents. The purpose of natural fear is to build in a bit of caution. Children who are made to feel that fear is not okay, it is wrong to express it, and in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it; will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their fear as adults.  Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion.  Perhaps, viewing fear through this lens could explain why many of us struggle with conquering our fears.  Facing your fears can be a process and overcoming these fears will happen in its own time.  Fear does not have to be a part of who you are.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear as you traverse through your unique journey to overcoming fear.  YOU are the constant in everything that happens or does not happen in your life.  Oftentimes fear is a huge barrier in making a decision.  How many times have you allowed fear to be the driver while you ride shotgun?  You cannot have faith and fear, you must pick one.

If you choose faith: Check out these 8 powerful ways for getting on the other side of fear:

  1. Identify: Be specific in identifying your fear(s). What are you afraid of? What is wreaking havoc in your life? What pictures are you creating in your mind? Where do you feel the fear in your body? How do you react to the fear? What triggers this fear? Be an observer of what is going on within you!
  2. Journaling: After identifying these fears, get them down on paper. Getting these fears on paper is another strategy of getting this negative energy out. Seeing these fears on paper can help you make sense of them.
  3. Counseling/Coaching: Getting an objective perspective and talking through these fears with a licensed professional is another powerful way to assist you in conquering your fears. A professional can help you examine if you have a fear of success or a fear of failure. While therapy can be powerful and even life changing, make sure the therapist is a good fit for you.
  4. The Now: Be present in the moment. Oftentimes fear comes from past learning experiences and anticipating future failures. You have no control over the past, but you do have control over the present moment. Grounding techniques through breathing is a great way to get back to the present. Try the “4-7-8 Breathing Technique.” Place your tongue behind your teeth. Breathe in quietly for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds.
  5. Gratitude: Instead of ruminating within your fears, spend that time expressing gratitude. What are you grateful for? If you are fearful of public speaking, be grateful for the opportunity to speak in front of people. If you are fearful of taking a test, be grateful that you have the qualifications to take the test.
  6. Awareness: Be aware of your thoughts, daily routines and habits. What are you reading? What are you watching? Who are you spending time around? Some ways to combat your fears are to read on your specific fears, watch a motivation video and/or spend time around successful people. Any successful person has overcome some form of fear.
  7. Nutrition: The food you eat can have a huge impact on how you feel. All the sugars, additives and other chemicals in some foods can have an effect in creating balance in our minds and bodies. Find a balanced diet that works for you and make it a lifestyle
  8. Be a verb: The only way out of your fear is through it. The more time we spend ruminating within the fear, the more power we give it. When we take action, we weaken the fear. Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will! Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Whatever fears you are facing, please remember that YOU are bigger than your fears. Your WHY is bigger than your fears.  Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.  If you are not growing, you are dying.  Do not let fear determine this fate.

“The fears we don’t face become our limits.” Robin Sharma

I would love to hear from you!

What fear is keeping you stuck? What fear(s) have you overcome?

 

Sharise Hemby-Nance is a licensed therapist and award winning author with 15 years of experience in individual life coaching and counseling.   For more information or assistance with adjustment and life transitions, please contact me at vitaminchealing@gmail.com

 

 

Relationship 201: What Constitutes a True Partnership?

Most of us long to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Songs are created about finding and sustaining love. In addition; a day has been dedicated to couples celebrating romance and love.  Dating is fun.  Falling in love, while scary, is also fun.  The “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is fun and blissful.  On the other side of this fun are challenges.  All relationships experience the normal ups and downs and ebbs and flows.  Through my observations, experiences and interviewing; I have learned that being a good partner sustains a relationship.

While there are many components to being a good partner, I have highlighted four that I find to be most impactful:

Give 100%: I often hear people say “a relationship is 50-50.” 50-50 equates to each person giving half the effort.  Can a relationship be successful with each person only giving 50% of their efforts?  Is the person you claim to love worth half of your efforts?  True partnership is giving your all with no reservations.

Selflessness: The ability to place your partner’s needs before your own.  You replace the “I” for the “we.”  When making decisions you are factoring how your decisions will impact your significant other. It is not just about you, it’s about team US.

Don’t hold grudges: Disagreements and even arguments will occur in relationships.  Use the disagreements as an opportunity to gain a better understanding of your partner.  Continue to communicate about the disagreement with each other.  Forgive and move on.  Holding grudges with your partner weakens the relationship.

You play for the same team: When your teammate is having a bad day, offer support, encouragement or give him/her the space needed to recuperate.  A good partner does not down talk their mate to others.  A good partner speaks life and has the uncomfortable, but necessary conversations with their mate.

When you’re in a true partnership you learn and grow together. As my husband says, “you become two halves of one whole genius.”

Now it’s time to hear from you! What makes you a good partner? What do you think it takes to sustain a relationship?

 

Sharise Hemby-Nance is a licensed therapist and award winning author with 15 years of experience in individual and couples counseling.   For more information or assistance with relationship building or couples packages please contact me at vitaminchealing@gmail.com or visit http://www.hihcounseling.com

 

 

Loss vs Life Lesson: 4 Powerful Life Lessons

“Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing” is a famous quote by the legendary Vince Lombardi that encompasses the historical concept of competition. Most, if not all of us, have probably felt a sense of accomplishment, gained more confidence, momentum and motivation as a result of winning.  When discussing the concept of winning, we must remember that winning is short term, but being a winner is long term.  It is impossible to become a winner without experiencing loss. Losing often evokes feelings of defeat, failure, shame, embarrassment and sadness.   Oftentimes we are devastated by the loss and struggle to see the lesson in the loss.  Depending on perception, losing can be humbling or it can become a barrier.  Embracing a loss or a failure on any level is a journey, your unique journey that only YOU can experience.

In my personal and professional experiences with various losses and failures, I have devised 4 lessons to share that have been helpful in my journey. These lessons are not created to invalidate your experience, but to help you put your losses into perspective and make the decision to get unstuck.

  1. Hardships are inevitable and helpful: Life happens on life terms. At times you may find yourself feeling like you are in a boxing match exchanging blows; and then life finally knocks you out. It is not about how hard you get punched or how many times you get knocked out. How many blows can you withstand? How many times can you get back up after taking life’s hardest hit and keep moving forward? Winners take a lot of losses and return to the game of life stronger.
  2. Don’t live in your fears: What would you do if you were not afraid of losing or failing? Oftentimes our decision to do or not do something is based on our fears. Whether you are starting a new job, quitting a job to build a business, running a marathon, moving on from an unhealthy relationship; making the decision to not live in such fears will require risk, struggle and sacrifice. This can be a terrifying step for many of us. Ask yourself if the fear in taking this step is more powerful than missing a life-changing opportunity.
  3. Life is a marathon, not a sprint: Life comes at you fast and it is imperative that you are equipped with the tools to slow life down. After a loss it may take some time to recover, heal and move on. You are building up the endurance to bear this obstacle and prepare for the next obstacle that gets in your way. Embrace this process and take the time needed to reflect on the lesson in this loss.  Remember, it doesn’t matter how slow you go, just don’t stop.
  4. I am in charge of me: You are the captain of your ship, the pilot of your plane and the driver of your car. You are ultimately responsible for the direction in which your life will travel. Seeking validation from others invalidates you and often gets in the way of you taking positive action. I discuss this concept in depth in my book Vitamin C: Healing for the Mind, Body and Soul. I challenge you to live each day being the best version of you. Remember, you are the CEO of YOU.

“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson” ~Dalai Lama

Life is full of lessons. We are free to make choices, but we are not free from the consequences of those choices.

I would love to hear from you. What are some lessons that you have learned as a result of life’s hardships?  Also, what makes you a winner?

Sharise Hemby-Nance is a licensed therapist and award winning author with 15 years of experience in individual life coaching and counseling.   For more information or assistance with adjustment and life transitions, please contact me at vitaminchealing@gmail.com